Tag: humor

Community Spirit

~ speedwayjoesguide

Wherewithal will you go?
All take up a lot of room—
not to mention their luggage.
The airfare alone would be exorbitant.
But at least you’d have company.
And if you ever got lost,
surely one of them would know the way home.
They could take turns
keeping watch at night.
And in the morning,
your oatmeal would be waiting for you.
They might even offer
to do the tidying up,
in lieu of rent.
So, go with one,
or go with all.
But please, just go—
you’re standing on my foot.

The Bad House

~ speedwayjoesguide

This is not a great house
Now I stop and think
The neighbors on one side complain
The other neighbors stink

This is not a good house
The carpets need to go
And all the plants we plant out back
Take years and years to grow

This house is kinda bad, in fact,
Just the other day
The plumbing broke and swept
Our brand new sofa set away

This house is really awful
See? The termites ate the sill!
The walls are full of nasty mold
That costs a lot to kill

So now it’s time to buckle down
And get this place in shape
I’ll really put the effort in
And never take a break
I’ll call the crews and get the bids
I’ll buy some tools and wire
I’ll study law and building codes
And put out all the fires
I’ll make this house spectacular—
You’ll think you’re at the Louvre!

Y’know, this sounds like too much work
I think that I’ll just move.

Cryptid

~ speedwayjoesguide

illustration by Cindie Flannigan

I think that something’s going on
The house feels like it’s moving
I hear a slimy kind of sound
Some biting and some chewing

And maybe something colorful
Just slid across the roof
Something big and round
And kinda spirally and smooth

There might be some antennae
And a couple eyes on stalks
I wonder if this thing
Knows how to pick my front door locks

Oh well, it’s probably nothing
I’ll just get back to my darts
It’s not like giant rainbow snails
Live around these parts

Anymore.